What to do when you feel unloved by your boyfriend?
Are you currently feeling unloved in your relationship? you feel your boyfriend not care enough about you, and you feel alone in whatever you do. It is very common happens in relationship and many couples experience it. Whether the feeling because of your boyfriend action or his attitude, feeling unloved is hurts. Event though it is a common things, unloved feeling will damage your relationship if you not handle it carefully.
No matter how you feel right now, you need change your situation by let your boyfriend know. So both of you can put an effort to make things better. Here are the tips if your feel unloved by your boyfriend:
- Reflect on yourself
You need to think with your own feeling, why do you feel unloved? is it because your boyfriend or is it because you have a bad day in your office? or there is need that you have not being met? you may think how long you have feel this way, then decide how you will respond your feeling.
Being able to recognize your own feeling is essential step for your relationship. You can differentiate it and find a solution about it.
- Communicate it
If the problem arise because your boyfriend and not something else. Then you need talk to your boyfriend and tell him the whole story that make you feel unloved. If you don’t say anything about your feeling. Your boyfriend would not know and it is not healthy for your relationship. Make sure you tell him clearly so your boyfriend not take a guess of your situation.
When you tell your boyfriend, say it with calm attitude and listen to him what he will say about your problem. Maybe your boyfriend will understand and find a way to fix it or maybe your boyfriend take defensive action, and it is understandable. You can say you just want to fix your relationship and not try to have a fight.
- Listen carefully on what he said
Please pay attention to what your boyfriend will tell you and keep your mind open. You don’t want to spark a fight with him, you want to find a solution. Listen to him doesn’t mean you are agree on what he said, you are both are different people. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about your boyfriend feeling. It means your respect his though and you want to process the information.
When you listen to his thought and you don’t agree to his opinion. Don’t attack him or defense with your other argument and say nasty things as your shield. Just accept the difference that make both of you unique. In fact, differences is a good thing and opportunities to growth as a couple. If your care about your boyfriend’s feeling, you will understand that there are other way to solve your problem in different perspective.
- Put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes
When you in relationship, try to see things from your boyfriend perspective. The danger parts is when you think you know your boyfriend more than he knows himself, it will make cause endless argument between both of you. It happens because you see with your own glasses and you are not considering his feelings.
To understand your boyfriend, you cannot make your own ASSUME, because when you ASSUME, you make an ASS of U and ME (Quote from Jerry Belson). you can practicing curiosity, Don’t immediately throw your boyfriend view of point or say it wrong, accept your boyfriend thought and don’t feel threatened by his words.
When you talk to your boyfriend, you need to focus on your request like ” I need to feel love and you spending time with me helps me feel loved by you”. By doing this your boyfriend will understand and he might change his perspective and compromise with you.
- Lower your expectations
When you expect something from your boyfriend, you will easily upset when something that you expect is below your expectation. For example: If you expect your boyfriend have to call you everyday regardless he is busy or not. when he doesn’t do the they you want it, you feel stress and think that your boyfriend doesn’t care about you again.
However if your lower your expectation, your life will become lighter and stay on positive thinking like if your boyfriend cannot call you everyday, remind yourself maybe he is busy and he is still love you.
- Don’t feel guilty about yourself
Maybe you feeling not being appreciated by your boyfriend and you feel pathetic, Don’t be!! Feeling guilty is an emotion that can drag your heart down and you feel not confidence. It might happens because you expect too much from your boyfriend, so when things is not the way expected you feel down about yourself
- Be patient with your boyfriend
Nobody is perfect, and your partner is no exception. You need to accept him with a whole heart, learn to realized that your partner also has limitation and you cannot push your partner to the way you want it.
Try to notice his behaviour whether he is learn to change or not. Be patient with this because you cannot change other person behaviour. The only you can do is change yourself to the way you want to be treated and your boyfriend will notice your change, then he will adjust to your new behaviour so you can feel loved again.
- Spend time together
Once you have the conversation, try to allocate time together to bring the spark again. You can do sport together or volunteering, it will increase the trust between both of you and also confidence as a couple. Your boyfriend love you and he always be by your side, supporting you.
While spend time together, both of you can develop quite time between both of you, without necessary talking like hold each other hand and walking down the street. This kind act can also develop trust because you speaks with your body language like eyes or hands.
- Keep yourself busy
Help yourself to get out of this feeling and keeping yourself busy, Be productive can increase your confidence. Read a book you like or calling your friends and family so you have an activities to do. If you have an activities you let your mind keep refresh and be able to look in different perspective, who knows you got an idea how to resolve your feeling with your boyfriend by doing something useful for both of you.
- Admit when it is not working anymore with your boyfriend
After many tries with your boyfriend, you maybe still feeling unloved by your boyfriend and you are not 100% happy with the situation maybe you need to end your relationship with your boyfriend. Gain your support from your family and your best friend, talk about your feelings and support you through this transition.
Believe in yourself and remember one door close, another ones open. This relationship maybe not have been the ‘one’, but the next one will be. You can’t meet someone better if you kept hanging into the wrong one out of the fear of unknown. One day, you will look back and will understand how grateful you are that the break up happened.
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